Dreaming With a Broken Heart

How long have you longed for a romance like this? How long has your sweet heart clung to the dreams of a young girl, whose fingers traced the outlines of wonderful fairytales. How long have you sat by your window imagining you were a princess, waiting for the knight in shining armor to come and sweep you off your feet? Be honest with yourself, aren't you still waiting?

Don't you sit at night with a romance novel held between your fingers, lost in some world where strong men fight for beautiful women...where there is heartache and pain, but also great love and restoration. Do you sit on a couch clutching your chest, your cheeks wet with tears, completley intwined in the play on the screen. Wishing desperatly someone would stop the plane for you, would knock on your door, would fight with every breath that they had.

Go back to that place in your childhood, when you were a little girl and you dreamed, now remember that dream (I doubt you've forgotten), remember the promise that you were told by the fairytales, the promise that we have all so desperatley clung to. "Someone is coming. Someone is coming for you."

And aren't you heartbroken that no one has? Isn't there a tangible pain in your chest at this very moment that no one has. No one has.
Allow that to really sink in for a moment, allow yourself to feel that pain..really feel it for a moment.

Most of our lives as women, has been about this pain and this promise. No one has come and no one is coming.
Have you thought those words to yourself? Have you laid in bed at night, engulfed in the darkness and cried because you knew you weren't worth it. You aren't good enough, you're to much or to little, stop trying, you aren't pretty, you aren't womanly or feminine, you're fat, you have to work harder so you can be better...I know I've fallen asleep on a pillow wet from my tears more times that I care to admit. Wishing desperatley for someone to come for me, but knowing deep down that I wasn't worthy of it. I wasn't good enough. Even now, tears running down my cheeks, I hear it whispered over and over again.
Every time you feel hurt and pain or rejection, it only seems to confirm what you already know to be true, you are worthless. They leave, or they stray and you aren't enough to keep them. They are abusive or absent, and you aren't enough to make them want to change. No matter how hard you try or fight you just aren't enough.

I have spent my whole life believing these LIES, and my wager is that so have you. These lies are from an enemy who would crush you and kill you, who hates you with the very essence of his being. He sits by your side and pushes the knife deeper and deeper, manipulating EVERY situation for his benefit, but there is one truth he cannot destort if you don't let him...

Someone has come.

Allow that to sink in for a moment.


Someone has come for you.


He is pursueing you with everything he has and His name is Jesus.
He desires you like a bride. He seeks you out and pursues you, like a lover. He wants you for his own and will protect you and lead you always. He is strong and fierce, and nations tremble under his power. He is also loving, devoted, and kind and will always care for you tenderly. He looks at you exactly as you are, and says " I want THAT woman." Not that woman after she loses 20 lbs, not that woman after she dresses better, not that woman once she is off drugs, not that woman once she puts on her makeup or has better hair...He doesn't look at you shaking his head and say "If only her hair weren't so frizzy, if only she didn't have cellulite, if only she were..more."
No, he looks at you now, exactly as you are...
broken, bruised, flawed, in pain, and with more baggage than you can carry and says,
"I want her with everything I have..she's the one, she's the only one."

He sees your faults, your secret sins, your most intimate fears, and says “I love you completely” and then he went and did the ultimate romantic move, and died to prove it to you. He hung on a cross dripping blood, after being tortured and beaten savagely for HOURS. He was unrecognizable because the flesh had literally been ripped from his body, and he did it for you. He looked into your eyes and through the blood and sweat and tears shared a smile meant only for you. And when he took his last breath the face that he pictured was yours. He made the ultimate sacrifice with your name written in his heart.


All you're life, you've been waiting...
you were the little girl by the window waiting, who has grown into the woman who sits on her couch, and still waits.

Waiting for your knight in shining armor, waiting for your soul mate...waiting for the man who will come and will just take it all away.



Well,I have to tell you something.
Someone is here, but he isn't just a man ... he is a champion.

What Religion Has Come to Mean Today.

The "Why I Hate Religion But Love Jesus" youtube video by Jefferson Bethke (link at bottom of page) recieved a HUGE global response; over 11 million views in just two weeks.
The majority of negative comments I've seen and heard are something along the lines of, "But he is a Christian, that is by definition a religion!"

According to dictionary.com religion is defined as a set of beliefs concerning the cause, nature, and purpose of the universe, especially when considered as the creation of a superhuman agency or agencies, usually involving devotional and ritual observances, and often containing a moral code governing the conduct of human affairs.
Christianity obviously falls into this category, and no one could logically argue otherwise.

However, in the popular youtube video Jeffereson Bethke isn't discussing the denotion of the word religion, but it's connotation in this day and age. Religion, in casual conversation, has often been used as a synonym for words like judgment, self-rightousness, hypocrisy, ect.
I mean if someone came up to you and said, " I can't stand Beth, she's so religious." would you picture a kind, caring, devoted, graceful, humble girl who loved everyone including her enemies and tried not to judge because she knew she was also a sinner, all the while caringly sharing the word of God? Probably not. You probably picturing a judgmental, pushy, self-righteous girl who won't stop shoving the bible down your throat.

"Religion says DO, Jesus says DONE."
Many religious people often tell us to do something so that we might be recieved in the gates of heaven, STOP dressing that way, DON'T talk like that, PRAY for this long each day, GO to church every sunday...but the ultimate truth is this...

Only one act can send you into the kingdom of heaven or the gates of hell; coosing to accept or reject Jesus in your heart, as your saviour.

"See the Problem with religion is it never gets to the core. It's just behavior modification like a long list of chores."
It's true that becoming a believer means your behavior will be modified, but that isn't so that you will be worthy of God's love, it is because in Christ he already does love you! The bible tells us that the holy spirit gifts us with new desires and a new mind, and through these we DESIRE to do God's will, we DESIRE to be better and do better, to love more and love deeper, to give more and give fully. We don't do these things because they save us, we do them because God has saved us, and opened our eyes to the world and it's many lies.
When you stand before God to give an account for your life he isn't going to pull out a list of your life works and say,
Dressed modestly - Check
Never swore - Check
Prayed 2 hours a day - Check
Stayed Pure until marriage - Check

He will look into your heart... and it's there we should be looking for our salvation because that is where JESUS should reside, in our hearts.
And like the blood pumps through your heart to the rest of your body, so should Jesus and his teachings flow through your heart, and outwordly manifest in your life.

He died for you, in exchange for you... He died the death we all deserve and made the ultimate sacrifice. Because of him we can rejoice and be given new life, free from the pain and deceit and doubt of our life before.
And it really is such good, good news.




Click here to watch the youtube video "Why I Hate Religion But Love Jesus".

Stop Expecting a Knight in Shining Armor & Start Loving Your Friend

I watched an amazing sermon by Pastor Mark today called New Marriage, Same Spouse (link at the bottom), that made me realize something about most relationships, including my own.

How many of us idolize our spouse or significant other?

I confess that I am definitley guilty of this.
Without realizing it, we expect them to come in and do the work of Jesus.

We spend hours each day, screaming in rage at their imperfections, and the lack of support we feel, when what we're really saying is this...

"Why havn't you saved me?
Why havn't you filled the hole in my heart and motivated me to become a better version of myself? Why havn't you been a light in my deepest, darkest times? Why havn't you been an unending source of love, strength, and comfort in my life? Why have you let me down?
WHY AREN'T YOU PERFECT?"

The answer is simple...
Because they aren't Jesus.
They aren't your saviour and they can't come into your life, and your relationship, and do his work.

We often put our significant other on a pedestal, not simply to love and praise them, but to worship. In our minds, they become someone who will do no harm or wrong, who will never leave or forsake us.
When they fall short of our tall list of impossible demands, we are heartbroken and often become bitter, angry, and resentful.
It is hard for me to acknowledge and admit the sins and wrongs I've committed in my relationships, but I am going to put my pride and ego aside and be honest.

In my past one of my greatest sins was self-righteousness. I had a very strict list of morals that I followed, and because of it I thought, not only was I a good person, but I was better than most. My self righteousness gave me a feeling of power in my relationship. I could critique their lifestyle and behavior because I held mine in such high regard. I was prideful, condescending, and NEVER wrong.
My stepfather treated me the same way, and I came to eventually hate him for it. I hated him for making me feel as if I wasn't good enough, or would never have what it takes, that I was to stupid, niave, and weak to ever achieve anything for myself.
Now, I realize the similarities between us. I have seen that I became my stepfather in my realtionship; constantly controlling and condemning with my self-imposed authority and I know personally how soul crushing, demoralizing, and hard that can be.

I can imagine it would have been something like me telling them, in order to prove their love they must run through a brick wall (obviously impossible). I would delude myself into thinking I had done it for them so they, in turn, must bruise and break themselves doing it for me. Then as they hurled themselves against it falling down again and again, I'd look down on them and use their failure as a means of boosting my self righteousness, but also feel heartbroken that they weren't trying harder.

Now, I am not saying my partner was perfect and did no wrong. I'm also not saying that there weren't things they needed to change about their lifestyle, BUT the combination of idolizing my partner and condeming them, must have made it very frustrating and confusing to be with me.
I didn't do this because I didn't love my signifigant other and wasn't trying to be a good partner, I was simply and sincerely totally ignorant to my faults.
Through God' grace and goodness, he has given me the ability to recognize these things in myself so that I might change them.

Think about your relationship. No really, stop and think about not just you and what you want, but them.
Are you idolizing your partner, and expecting them to be some super hero, or knight in shining armor, who will wipe away your tears and give you a new life?
Are you placing all the weight of the pain, heartache, and failure in your life on their shoulders?
Are you blaming them solely, for the problems in your relationship?

If so, you are setting yourself, and them up for failure. You need to invite Jesus in to heal those wounds. Ask him to replace your broken heart with a new one, to gift you with a new mind and new desires so that you may live out a new life and not be held to the tyranny of your past misgivings and mistakes. Ask him to help you identify your faults courageously, so that He might help you might deal with, and rid yourself of them.
Your spouse or gf/bf cannot do these things for you.

The hard truth is we aren't comic book characters with amazing abilities and powers. We are people.
Ordinary, sinful, mistake-making-imperfect people.

You can't have a happy, healthy relationship BESIDE and WITH your partner if
you place them in front of (idolization) or behind you (self righteousness).

Your partner should be your best friend with whom you share the deepest parts of yourself, not your saviour, on whose shoulders you place the weight of your world.

Romans 12:9-10
Don't just pretend that you love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Stand on the side of the good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.









CLICK HERE TO WATCH PASTOR MARKS SERMON, NEW MARRIAGE, SAME SPOUSE.

The Price of Freedom

The transition from non-Christian to Christian, from the lie to the truth is a hard one.

By the grace of God, when you become filled with the Holy spirit you are gifted with a new mind, a new heart, and new desires. The way you see the world changes. It's as if someone finally took off the blinders that you weren't aware were there, and now you can see and are free from the tyranny of the world and the sin you were living in.

I can suddenly see and I'm free.

But freedom comes at a price and the price is everything.
A friend of mine Duane, says it best in his note called So If I Want That, What's It Going To Cost Me?, "

It certainly will cost you an easy life. It will cost you popularity. At times, painfully, it will cost you the relationship you so desire with your family and friends. You will have to discipline yourself. You will have to buffet your body. You will have to say no to temptation. You will have to have to say NO to this world. You will have to break with the crowd. You will have to be willing to stand alone for Christ. You will have to be willing to walk to the beat of a different drummer and to step out of the crowd even if no one follows after Jesus Christ. You must be willing to stand for Jesus Christ even if you were the only person in the world for Jesus Christ. That’s the cost factor.

You would have to be willing to suffer persecution for Christ, and let me tell you…it will come. It might even cost you your life.

I have already found this to be true. You must give up your old habitual life in pursuit of a holy one. You must leave it all to walk with God.
You will lose friends, family, you will feel completley alone. But the truth is, you never are alone. God loves you perfectly and fulfills all needs. He is your father, your husband, your brother. He corrects every wrong and heals all wounds no matter how old or deep. He never left you and he never will.

He is wonderful and gracious and beautiful and deserves your all, he must be the center of your life so that all things are for and from him.

Easier to say than do...I have struggled with this.
Fear of persecution is my greatest sin. It is hard to publicly proclaim your love and faith in Jesus. The way his love has touched your heart and completley rearranged your life.
I am afraid of the way I will be looked at, or the things people will say. I am afraid of not being able to answer their questions logically and the ridicule that will ensue.
And I am deeply ashamed of this.

Jesus was tortured beyond belief, and hung on a cross bleeding and in unimaginable pain...he did this willingly, he did this for me...and for you.
His love was truly unconditional, and after all he went through I cannot suffer a few dirty looks and confrontations?

Being Christian takes bravery and courage. Takes unbelievable amounts of love, not just for God or your family and friends, not just for the church or even the word...but for your enemies.
It is hard and it will never be easy, but it is worth it in ways beyond our comprehension.

I am afraid. I am imperfect. I am a sinner everyday.
I feel like I have so much work to do.

But it is done.

Jesus said "It is finished" because the work has been done. He calls to us in his beautiful melodic voice to lay it down, to fall into his arms and give it all to him. He is the father that strokes your hair while you cry and tells you that there is nothing left for you to do but to love and be a light in the darkness. To let that light shine brightly so that others may see it and know the light as well.
He is my strength, and in him and with him, I have no fear.
I have nothing to do, but follow him and never hide the light he floods my life with.
I am drowning in his grace and blinded by his brilliance but somehow feel like for the first time I am opening my eyes and can just breathe.


I encourage you to search for the truth. To search with an open heart and an open mind and see where it leads you.

He is the way, the truth, and the life and if you search he promises you, he will always be the answer.