I havn't posted in a small while, but it feels like decades and so much has happened in such a short amount of time.
I feel delivered from so many things I struggled with the past few months; I believe it was a period where God was uprooting the last remnants of those particular sins. But there are other things I still strongly struggle with, like self image issues, but even those are growing smaller and smaller and Jesus shows me more and more and more of His love. Amazing love. Life changing love. Heart healing love. Sweet love. Jealous Love. Jesus love. :)
This morning I woke up and spent time with the Lord. He spoke over me things that made my heart sing and come alive. I love when He does that.
"Yasemee, I love you. I am smiling down on you. Continue to see me like this. Continue to see me first, even as your excitement brings a knowing smile to my lips. I am happy to see you in joy but do not hide who you are and what I am doing in your life becasue you fear the judgement. Trust me, truly trust me. There may be things I ask you to let go of, or things I ask you to step out into...Don't try to see, just be still and listen.
This is one of the biggest, it IS the biggest cliff you've faced in your walk with me. But do not be afraid dear girl, I will teach you what it is to fly. I will keep you in the safety of my wings.
I can tell, I know you are afraid but let me lead you, for I know the plans I have for you. Plans for a hope and a future, to prosper you and not to harm you Yasemee. I am jealous over you, I am your protector, I love you more deeply than all the oceans. My love is eternal and I am going to be pouring it on you for the rest of eternity. You are so sweet, so precious, so honored to me and I love your smile. I will lead you to green pastures beside still waters. I will lie you down in safety and betroth you to me forever. FOREVER you are mine.
I know all the hurts and pains and fears and they break my heart deeply. Trust me to guide you, trust me with your heart. Turning page is our song, I sing it over you because you are precious and honored and I love you.
I love you, you can trust me.
Take my hand.
'With a whisper we will tame the viscious seas, like a feather bringing kingdoms to their knees.' "
My Beloved is turning the pages in my life, to new lines...new verses, beautiful sweet notes I've never heard now play over me, the sounds they make leave me changed...leave me vunerable and open and reeling. The heart that beats inside my chest is no longer mine, it has been captured and captivated and beats to a new rhythm, to a new song.
There was pain, darkness, the sound of screams, of angry fists meeting flesh, of devestation and heartbreak, of things taken, of betrayal, of emptiness, there were nightmares, and paralyzing fears, tear soaked pillows, and blood stained sheets. They were the stories, the pages of my past.
They used to ring out like the echo of a gunshot, jarring, painful and reeking of death. I thought I would never escape them.
But His love is my turning page, and now only the sweetest words remain.
Every kiss is a cursive line, every touch is a redefined phrase.
The page has been turned. I've surrendered who I've been to who He is. My story has changed.
I am alive, I am free. I am free from it all.
Reedeemed & made whole from the love that He has poured out over my soul.
I have been restored & made new.
The page has turned,
and only the sweetest words remain. <3
...................................................................................................................................
Turning Page by Sleeping at Last (click here to listen)
I've waited a hundred years.
but i'd wait a million more for you.
nothing prepared me for
what the privilege of being yours would do.
If i had only felt the warmth within your touch,
if i had only seen how you smile when you blush,
or how you curl your lip when you concentrate enough,
I would have known what i was living for all along.
what i've been living for.
Your love is my turning page,
where only the sweetest words remain.
every kiss is a cursive line,
every touch is a redefining phrase.
I surrender who i've been for who you are,
for nothing makes me stronger than your fragile heart.
if i had only felt how it feels to be yours,
well, i would have known what I've been living for all along.
what i've been living for.
Though we're tethered to the story we must tell,
when i saw you, well, i knew we'd tell it well.
with a whisper, we will tame the vicious seas.
like a feather bringing kingdoms to their knees.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Oh The Places You'll Go!
Hey guys!
I wanted to give you an update on my latest fundraising adventure!
Three months from today I will be in a plane heading to Micronesia! I have to fly just about 6529 miles which means about 39 hours of flying! YIKES!
(Actually I love flying and airports so I'm super excited!)
You can help me get there by donating a DOLLAR for EVERY MILE! You can donate for one mile or donate for multiple miles, the choice is yours! Simply visit my registry, leave a cash donation of at least $1 and a note saying "dollar for your miles".
At the end of the four weeks I'll calculate the donations and how many miles we covered!
If everyone donated and we were able to cover all the miles I'd be fully funded!
This fundraiser is only over the next four weeks! So make sure to check out the facebook page, like it, and get started!
Check out the facebook page by CLICKING HERE!
Or simply go straight to my registry and donate by CLICKING HERE!
Thank you for traveling with me in this adventure!
I wanted to give you an update on my latest fundraising adventure!
Three months from today I will be in a plane heading to Micronesia! I have to fly just about 6529 miles which means about 39 hours of flying! YIKES!
(Actually I love flying and airports so I'm super excited!)
You can help me get there by donating a DOLLAR for EVERY MILE! You can donate for one mile or donate for multiple miles, the choice is yours! Simply visit my registry, leave a cash donation of at least $1 and a note saying "dollar for your miles". At the end of the four weeks I'll calculate the donations and how many miles we covered!
If everyone donated and we were able to cover all the miles I'd be fully funded!
This fundraiser is only over the next four weeks! So make sure to check out the facebook page, like it, and get started!
Check out the facebook page by CLICKING HERE!
Or simply go straight to my registry and donate by CLICKING HERE!
Thank you for traveling with me in this adventure!
Monday, May 13, 2013
Fundraising Update: Halfway to My First Deadline!
God is amazing in how He provides for us. Seriously just amazing.
My bake sale raised $459! If you consider how much I spent in groceries it came to about $350 which is still absolutley amazing! The school and my peers were so supportive and encouraging! And I learned some really amazing life lessons.
1.God moves hearts in ways you couldn't imagine, even through chocolate chip cookies
2.Chocolate sells, things without chocolate don't.
3.You eat so much "taste testing" you have to make two batches of everything
4.Blessing people with food is amazing, and I loved that I could give back to people
On the SAME DAY I collected my funds from the bake sale, I recieved over $1000 in donations from supporters donating to my registry.
This means I have raised more than half of my first deadline!
I only have $1905 left to raise for my July 13th deadline!
If you would like to donate and help support me please click on the tab to the top-right under the"Help Support Me!" subheading.
Or simply CLICK HERE
Thank you for your hearts and your love. They move me to tears of joy and wonder more often than you know.
<3
My bake sale raised $459! If you consider how much I spent in groceries it came to about $350 which is still absolutley amazing! The school and my peers were so supportive and encouraging! And I learned some really amazing life lessons.
1.God moves hearts in ways you couldn't imagine, even through chocolate chip cookies
2.Chocolate sells, things without chocolate don't.
3.You eat so much "taste testing" you have to make two batches of everything
4.Blessing people with food is amazing, and I loved that I could give back to people
On the SAME DAY I collected my funds from the bake sale, I recieved over $1000 in donations from supporters donating to my registry.
This means I have raised more than half of my first deadline!
I only have $1905 left to raise for my July 13th deadline!
If you would like to donate and help support me please click on the tab to the top-right under the"Help Support Me!" subheading.
Or simply CLICK HERE
Thank you for your generosity, for believing in and supporting me. <3
Thank you for all those who have helped me by supporting me either financially, in prayer, or by following along and reading about my story.Thank you for your hearts and your love. They move me to tears of joy and wonder more often than you know.
<3
Sunday, May 5, 2013
My Banner Over You Is Love
This morning, God wrote me a poem/song.
I've been feeling so guilty, so unworthy, so unlovable. But He is so faithful to show me His love over and over again. I am so overcome with the love of My God, My King, My Saviour. For those of you who don't know Him, forget everything you've ever heard and run, run to Him with everything you are, with everything you have. He is exactly what you have ALWAYS been searching for. Oh, dear hearts, I know the pain that lies there... The feeling of never being loved, of being broken. I know the tears, the cries, and the heartbreaking loneliness. And I know the things you've done to keep it at bay, yes I know that too. But He says, "Come to me, I will give you such sweet rest for your soul." Did you know you are precious to Him? Did you know He delights over you? Pursues you? Speaks tenderly to you?
I am not pulling this out of thin air, it says it in the Bible, none of those are my words.
Maybe, just maybe, someone has everything you're looking for. And maybe, just maybe, you'll find it in the arms of the one who died to have you.
Did you know that someone loved you that much? That He would die just to have you?
It's true sweet ones, it's so unbelievably, beautifully true. Come to Him, and find rest for your souls. Come to Him and find everything you are. Don't walk, run.
My Banner Over You Is Love
by God the Father and Jesus too
Beautiful because I am,
I've held you since the beggining and before the universe began.
My darling, I have loved you with an everlasting love,
that never grows tired or weary.
My little princess is what you are,
and from your side I'll never part.
I have loved you from the very start,
and of you, I'll never grow tired or weary.
You are mine, and so you'll always be,
and nothing you could do could seperate you from me,
and so lift your song and sing to me,
because of your voice, I never grow tired or weary.
And when My Kingdom comes,
we'll join together in song,
and I'll hold you close as we twirl along,
right here, in my arms is where you've always belonged,
right here in my heart, that never grows tired or weary.
And I remember the day I dreamed you up,
as beautiful as a flower and as soft as a touch,
I knew with everything I am that I'd love you so much,
and never grow tired or weary.
My darling, don't you know what I see when I look at you?
I see, a woman, a Princess, a bride
and I long for you to see it too,
to find the beauty, the fire that lies within you.
Come to me, I never grow tired or weary.
And Before the universe began,
I held your small sweet hands in my hands,
couldn't wait for your life to begin,,
so I could show my love to you.
And we'll be singing for all eternity, you and I,
You never needed wings to be able to fly,
no, in My love, I'll lift you on high,
and declare My Banner over you.
It is love.
It is everlasting love,
and of you, Yasemee Rosemay,
I never grow tired.
I never grow weary.
I've been feeling so guilty, so unworthy, so unlovable. But He is so faithful to show me His love over and over again. I am so overcome with the love of My God, My King, My Saviour. For those of you who don't know Him, forget everything you've ever heard and run, run to Him with everything you are, with everything you have. He is exactly what you have ALWAYS been searching for. Oh, dear hearts, I know the pain that lies there... The feeling of never being loved, of being broken. I know the tears, the cries, and the heartbreaking loneliness. And I know the things you've done to keep it at bay, yes I know that too. But He says, "Come to me, I will give you such sweet rest for your soul." Did you know you are precious to Him? Did you know He delights over you? Pursues you? Speaks tenderly to you?
I am not pulling this out of thin air, it says it in the Bible, none of those are my words.
Maybe, just maybe, someone has everything you're looking for. And maybe, just maybe, you'll find it in the arms of the one who died to have you.
Did you know that someone loved you that much? That He would die just to have you?
It's true sweet ones, it's so unbelievably, beautifully true. Come to Him, and find rest for your souls. Come to Him and find everything you are. Don't walk, run.
My Banner Over You Is Love
by God the Father and Jesus too
Beautiful because I am,
I've held you since the beggining and before the universe began.
My darling, I have loved you with an everlasting love,
that never grows tired or weary.
My little princess is what you are,
and from your side I'll never part.
I have loved you from the very start,
and of you, I'll never grow tired or weary.
You are mine, and so you'll always be,
and nothing you could do could seperate you from me,
and so lift your song and sing to me,
because of your voice, I never grow tired or weary.
And when My Kingdom comes,
we'll join together in song,
and I'll hold you close as we twirl along,
right here, in my arms is where you've always belonged,
right here in my heart, that never grows tired or weary.
And I remember the day I dreamed you up,
as beautiful as a flower and as soft as a touch,
I knew with everything I am that I'd love you so much,
and never grow tired or weary.
My darling, don't you know what I see when I look at you?
I see, a woman, a Princess, a bride
and I long for you to see it too,
to find the beauty, the fire that lies within you.
Come to me, I never grow tired or weary.
And Before the universe began,
I held your small sweet hands in my hands,
couldn't wait for your life to begin,,
so I could show my love to you.
And we'll be singing for all eternity, you and I,
You never needed wings to be able to fly,
no, in My love, I'll lift you on high,
and declare My Banner over you.
It is love.
It is everlasting love,
and of you, Yasemee Rosemay,
I never grow tired.
I never grow weary.
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Pray for My Cupcakes!
Next week I will be hosting a bake sale at my school from the 6th-9th.
It's my first official fundraising venture and I'm so excited! My school has been so supportive of my calling to be a missionary and even let me speak to each class about where I'm going and why. God is so Good!
Some of the yummy delicious treats I'll be selling include (but aren't limited to)
I still need to raise $3622 by July 13th and another $3500 by September so if you would like to donate please do so by clicking on the tab to the top-right under the "Help Support Me!" subheading.Or simply CLICK HERE!
Please be lifting me and my bakesale up in prayer over the weekend and into next week! Here are some specific things you can pray for!
I can't wait to see how He moves over the next week. It's so amazing to serve a God who can move through a cupcake...especially a raspberry swirl creamcheese cupcake. mmm.
Blessed be the LORD, for He has wondrously shown his steadfast love to me - Psalm 31:21
It's my first official fundraising venture and I'm so excited! My school has been so supportive of my calling to be a missionary and even let me speak to each class about where I'm going and why. God is so Good!
Some of the yummy delicious treats I'll be selling include (but aren't limited to)
- Cranberry Breakfast Muffins
- Mini Cheesecakes
- Chocolate Chip Cookies
- Banana Bread
- Brownies
I still need to raise $3622 by July 13th and another $3500 by September so if you would like to donate please do so by clicking on the tab to the top-right under the "Help Support Me!" subheading.Or simply CLICK HERE!
Please be lifting me and my bakesale up in prayer over the weekend and into next week! Here are some specific things you can pray for!
- ask the Lord to provide abundantly through my bakesale
- pray that I wouldn't give into temptation and eat all goodies myself
- pray that people would be blessed through this
I can't wait to see how He moves over the next week. It's so amazing to serve a God who can move through a cupcake...especially a raspberry swirl creamcheese cupcake. mmm.
Blessed be the LORD, for He has wondrously shown his steadfast love to me - Psalm 31:21
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Did I Just Get Married? Yes, I did.
*I'm really trying to be raw and honest about where I am in my life/walk so this post is coming straight from my journal. It's not perfectly written, but it's real. I pray so hard that it blesses you.*
I've been feeling down. Down isn't the word, I've been feeling depressed; so far from God, and even seeking I couldn't find Him. My conclusion?
That He left just like everyone else had. I kept trying to speak his truths over me. I felt weighted down by guilt, believing it was my sinfulness that drove Him away. That guilt would drive me into more sin, which in turn would make me feel more guilty. I couldn't shake it.
I hated myself
my sinfulness
my unworthiness.
I tried speaking the truths of scripture over myself...but I couldn't believe them in my heart. I felt frozen by despair, and nothing was cracking the ice around my heart.
Last night I sought out escape and "love" in the ways I used to...porn; I read romantic stories where at least I could feel loved for awhile (I believe that IS a type of porn).
But with the sunrise came the overpowering shame. I knew Jesus forgave me when I repented, but I felt farther from Him than ever.
A Misty Edwards song came on, she started singing, "You turn to your mother, you turn to your brother, you turn to your sister, and just walk away." She kept singing about how you look into everyones eyes for that feeling of being known, of being loved and you don't find it ...and then you look to your reflection. The song struck a chord with me so I came upstairs to play it, and my insides spilled out.
I sang about how angry I was, how broken I felt...how everyone walks away. Who could ever love me? I look at my reflection and even I walk away so why would anyone else stay?
And then Jesus came in.
He started singing through me saying,
"You've been looking for love in everyone else's eyes, you look at your reflection and walk away. But I don't see what you see when I look at you. Do you hear me? I don't see what you see, I don't see what you see. I don't see a girl who's broken and used, battered and bruised. I don't see someone to abandon and I'm never gonna walk away."
And then I saw the most vivid beautiful vision. It took over my eyesight.
It was Jesus,
in a tux, standing in front of me.
I was in my dream wedding dress.
He grabbed my face in His hands and pulled my forehead against His. He wept as He sang to me:
"I'm never gonna walk away, do you hear me? I'm never gonna walk away. I'm never gonna walk away, I'm never gonna walk away. I'm never gonna walk away."
The ice shattered and a dam broke forth. I cried over every hurt I've ever had, over everyone who's ever left, over everyone who broke my heart. I cried with a pain so deep all I could do was cling to Him. And Jesus wept with me. And sang over me again, over my pain.
"I'm never gonna walk away,
I 'm never gonna walk away,
I'm never gonna walk away.
I'm never gonna walk away. Do you hear me?"
We were both crying, foreheads pressed together, my face in His hands and Him in my arms. I could feel the pain in His love, the pain over my pain, the pain He felt in my fear. I could feel His love, and it reached the deepest parts of me and washed over me.
He showed me my fear of marriage, my fear of giving myself completley to someone, because what if they, like everyone, left?
And He sang again.
"I'm never gonna walk away, do you hear me? I'm never gonna walk away. Do you hear me? I'm never gonna walk away, I'm never gonna walk away."
And my tears of pain changed to tears of a love like I have never known, a love that was deeper than all the oceans. They became tears of joy as we both laughed, even as we wept, consumed by the radiance of this love.
That's how He sees me.
Beautiful
in a lace white dress that flows softly to the ground.
Radiant and alive in love.
I am His bride. He is my Beloved,
and there is a love like the world has never known.
A love I've dreamed of since I was a little girl. It's real. It's alive.
I found it in the arms of my saviour.
And now I know what my purpose is, I know it.
I was made for this love, I was made for this.
One day there may be a husband in my life who Christ will show me His love through. Someone I can trust, someone I can be safe with. I'm scared, but I'm also filled with hope.
I can still feel Him singing those words over me. They are the most beautiful words I've ever heard. They are written across my heart. Beloved, let me never forget them.
I love you.
I love you beautiful bride.
I've been feeling down. Down isn't the word, I've been feeling depressed; so far from God, and even seeking I couldn't find Him. My conclusion?
That He left just like everyone else had. I kept trying to speak his truths over me. I felt weighted down by guilt, believing it was my sinfulness that drove Him away. That guilt would drive me into more sin, which in turn would make me feel more guilty. I couldn't shake it.
I hated myself
my sinfulness
my unworthiness.
I tried speaking the truths of scripture over myself...but I couldn't believe them in my heart. I felt frozen by despair, and nothing was cracking the ice around my heart.
Last night I sought out escape and "love" in the ways I used to...porn; I read romantic stories where at least I could feel loved for awhile (I believe that IS a type of porn).
But with the sunrise came the overpowering shame. I knew Jesus forgave me when I repented, but I felt farther from Him than ever.
A Misty Edwards song came on, she started singing, "You turn to your mother, you turn to your brother, you turn to your sister, and just walk away." She kept singing about how you look into everyones eyes for that feeling of being known, of being loved and you don't find it ...and then you look to your reflection. The song struck a chord with me so I came upstairs to play it, and my insides spilled out.
I sang about how angry I was, how broken I felt...how everyone walks away. Who could ever love me? I look at my reflection and even I walk away so why would anyone else stay?
And then Jesus came in.
He started singing through me saying,
"You've been looking for love in everyone else's eyes, you look at your reflection and walk away. But I don't see what you see when I look at you. Do you hear me? I don't see what you see, I don't see what you see. I don't see a girl who's broken and used, battered and bruised. I don't see someone to abandon and I'm never gonna walk away."
And then I saw the most vivid beautiful vision. It took over my eyesight.
It was Jesus,
in a tux, standing in front of me.
I was in my dream wedding dress.
He grabbed my face in His hands and pulled my forehead against His. He wept as He sang to me:
"I'm never gonna walk away, do you hear me? I'm never gonna walk away. I'm never gonna walk away, I'm never gonna walk away. I'm never gonna walk away."
The ice shattered and a dam broke forth. I cried over every hurt I've ever had, over everyone who's ever left, over everyone who broke my heart. I cried with a pain so deep all I could do was cling to Him. And Jesus wept with me. And sang over me again, over my pain.
"I'm never gonna walk away,
I 'm never gonna walk away,
I'm never gonna walk away.
I'm never gonna walk away. Do you hear me?"
We were both crying, foreheads pressed together, my face in His hands and Him in my arms. I could feel the pain in His love, the pain over my pain, the pain He felt in my fear. I could feel His love, and it reached the deepest parts of me and washed over me.
He showed me my fear of marriage, my fear of giving myself completley to someone, because what if they, like everyone, left?
And He sang again.
"I'm never gonna walk away, do you hear me? I'm never gonna walk away. Do you hear me? I'm never gonna walk away, I'm never gonna walk away."
And my tears of pain changed to tears of a love like I have never known, a love that was deeper than all the oceans. They became tears of joy as we both laughed, even as we wept, consumed by the radiance of this love.
That's how He sees me.
Beautiful
in a lace white dress that flows softly to the ground.
Radiant and alive in love.
I am His bride. He is my Beloved,
and there is a love like the world has never known.
A love I've dreamed of since I was a little girl. It's real. It's alive.
I found it in the arms of my saviour.
And now I know what my purpose is, I know it.
I was made for this love, I was made for this.
One day there may be a husband in my life who Christ will show me His love through. Someone I can trust, someone I can be safe with. I'm scared, but I'm also filled with hope.
I can still feel Him singing those words over me. They are the most beautiful words I've ever heard. They are written across my heart. Beloved, let me never forget them.
"I'm never gonna walk away,
I'm never gonna walk away.
Do you hear me?
I'm never gonna walk away, I'm never gonna walk away."
I love you.
I love you beautiful bride.
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