On Sunday Morning The Son Will Rise

And as they watched His body go limp on the cross I imagine it was the most painful, heartbreaking moment of all time. They had left EVERYTHING to follow this man, this Messiah and He was gone; life taken like a vapor in the wind.

I can imagine the doubt, fear, and hopelessness that churned in their stomachs and left bitter tastes on their tongue. Everything, all the build up until that moment had culminated in the One they followed hanging dead, broken, and bruised on a cross. They must have been wracked with unimaginable sorrow. Unimaginable loss. Unimaginable despair.
Everything they had sacrificed, hoped, believed was done. Gone. Over.

And then comes my favorite moment in all of history, the moment that brought me to faith.
I can imagine the rumors spreading through the streets. A disheartened people picking up life where they had dropped it when that Jewish man had come proclaiming freedom for the captives. I can imagine the front door bursting open "He has risen!"
I can imagine the way they doubted, but I can also see that small tendril of hope that ignited in their hearts. The way it must have caught fire and consumed them, "could it be true? Is He alive?"


The buildup of all creation, of all life waited for this moment. From stars to tree frogs, planets to daisies..all of creation held it's breath.
Nothing but silence.

Until the stone was rolled back and the tomb was found utterly empty.

He has risen.
He has risen

.

The Call vs My Comfort

I can feel so passionatley on fire with Jesus.
I am often consumed in the fiery flames of his love and my yearning for more is ravenous and unsatiable. I want him with a depth and a need that suprises me; the weight of it driving me to my knees.
I can experience His presence and love, be filled to overflowing, and a few hours later be wailing in the fetal position asking why He's left me in this desert. It's not that He doesn't come to me, He does. I just want more. I need more. It feels like every molecule, every atom, every cell in my being is crying out for Him. I want Him in a way that doesn't even make sense because I don't know exactly what it is that I want, other than more Jesus. He moves and I want more, He speaks and I want more.

Deeper and deeper and deeper still. I want more of you Jesus.


And then something bad happens. A phone call from the bank about my unpaid loans, a hurtful word, problems at work...you name it and all my fire for the Lord, and all my trust in Jesus, and all my surrendering to His sovereignty vanishes like a vapor.
As much as I desire and want the Lord, as many times as I try to lay down my life and seek Him...the truth is in the hard moments fear and doubt tend to prevail. I feel the cold and metallic fist of fear begin to tighten around my heart, squeezing tighter and tighter until it is hard to breathe. I feel like I lose all sense of direction, of up and down and I'm just left flailing. In those moments sometimes God doesn't even cross my mind, not until later when I've exhausted all other options and I'm kneeling at His feet because I have no where else to go.
But I don't want this. Fear is not faith, if anything it is the opposite of faith.

God TRULY is sovereign. Nothing suprises Him. He saw this coming and He sees the end of it, the way out. Often I feel fear because I don't know His plan for me. I don't want to sit around and do nothing, but I also don't just want to do something for the sole benefit of having a "comfortable life". Comfort be damned. I want to follow Christ. I want to have to give up things. I want to preach the gospel in dark places no matter the cost. I want a life like the apostles. I want radical abandon. I want to do what the Lord is calling me to do. Problem is...I have no idea what that is, or what the first step will be! It's hard to trust something you can't see.

Ahhh.
Jackpot.

It all comes down to trust doesn't it Jesus?
Do I trust you?

Trust you enough to believe that you lead even when I am blind and do not know the way?
Trust that you are laying the footsteps in front of me and that you will bring your plan to fruition?
Trust that you gave me these longings and have a plan for them?
Trust that you are sovereign over the large problems in my life, and the small ones?
Trust that you love me?
Trust in the power of your name?

Trust you enough to die for you?


I want to sacrifice for my faith...and yet. When put in a situation with people who are uncomfortable with it I hide. I take out my handy-dandy basket and cover the light of Christ. Afraid of the condemnation, afraid of what will happen if I truly live out Christ in my life. I may lose my loved ones, I may lose my home, I may lose my job, I may lose my friendships. This is the call...
It sounds pretty in your head you know? In the books that you read that call to a radical faith sounds amazing.
But when it's real, when the consequences are real...not in China, not in the jungles of southeast Asia, not in small tribes in Africa but in your own home. In your own life. Right Here.
It is scary, and it is hard.

Take up my cross Jesus? Trust you enough to lose my life and risk it all?
I could be living on the streets. Poor, desitute, and with nothing to eat. If I stand for Jesus, I may very well be standing alone. The people in the church may even turn away. The question remains, will I answer the call?
Will I love Christ? Love Him enough that all my other relationships seem like hate in comparison?

Do I actually believe in this Christ? This Risen One? Jesus of Nazareth? The Messiah?


Hard questions like these surround me tonight as I sit wrapped in my down filled blanket on my cushioned bed. Lights dimmed and heater blowing reassuringly. Books on my bedside table, piles of clothes I havn't put away on my desk. Wondering if I should buy the sharpie felt tip pens or the cheaper ones to journal with. Yes, teaching in the underground church, putting my life on the line for Jesus sounds amazing in my warm, comfy, cozy bed...stomach still full from the icecream and tea I had an hour ago. Sitting here tonight in this comfortable life I find myself faced with the question.
What has my faith cost me?

And the answer is, very little. very little.

And the problem is, that doesn't line up with scripture; according to the word of God it should cost me everything...




Calloused hand extended, robe whipping back and forth in the rage of the wind. Black rolling waves beneath His feet, He bids me "Come."

He doesn't phrase it as a question.
It isn't one.
It is a call.
One I will answer.

The love of Peter

I love Peter.

So far in my readings of scripture he is my favorite apostle.
Recently I was really struggling with sin. A God-given relationship with a wonderful and amazing friend had become something of my flesh, something I desired in more ways than Jesus would have. I had taken a gift from the Lord and twisted it to fill the desires of my heart. But God is Good and never leaves us where we are, never lets us sink for too long. The Lord spoke to my friend and told her that I was something she had to let go; He has been speaking to both of since we've released this back to Him and though it is hard, the reward in the sacrifice is more fulfilling and satisfying than any human relationship could be. The strongest, deepest, most meaningful love in this world is ashes when compared to the Love of the one who created our hearts.

We were made for this love. We were created for this love.


And yet, at times, even knowing this we fall. We get out of the boat and begin to walk across the water, towards the Beautiful One and His open arms. We want to be enveloped in the voice that sounds like waters, the voice that is like the sweetest rain poured out over our dry and thirsty souls, the voice that bids us "Come."
When suddenly we are distracted by the storm. Something catches our eye, snags our focus, and before we can take a breath we plummet into the dark deep abyss beneath us.
The fear is gutwrenching. Your thoughts, your entire being become focused around one central need. AIR. Instinct takes over, your mind blinded by panic. You fight for the surface, you claw at the water, trying to grasp something, anything...but your hands cut through the water like butter. It slips through your hands, they are empty...left with nothing. Lungs crushed with the need to breathe you can see nothing but the blackness that surrounds you. The blackness that will swallow you whole.
And then something closes around your hand; in the cold weight of the waves crashing around you it is warm and light. Strong.
He pulls you up, The Beloved One. And with a loving smile and a broken heart whispers, "Why did you doubt?"

Peter loved Jesus. I know it.
I can see it in the way He defended Him. In the way He got out of the boat to walk to Him. In the way He left all He had to follow Him. In the way He fought for Him as Judas laid the cold kiss of betrayal on the Lord's cheek. Peter loved Jesus deeply.
Jesus asked the apostles, "But who do you think I am?" And it was Peter who responded, "The Christ of God."
And when Jesus told the apostles they would all fall away Peter told Him, "Though they all fall away because of you, I will never fall away."
I don't believe Peter was being prideful, Peter believed Jesus to be the Christ, the Holy One. Peter had seen the Lord in His glory, Peter confessed Him as the Son of God. Peter loved Jesus deeply and knew in His heart He could never betray this Jesus, this Jewish Man who had called him by name. I can only imagine the way it must have shattered him to hear His friend and God say, "Truly, I tell you, this very night, before the rooster crows you will deny me three times."

They knew what was happening. They knew the price was His life.
And as Peter stood in the courtyard filled with fear and terror I imagine he began to doubt. In the midst of the storm His eyes began to focus, once again, on the rolling black waves around him. "If Jesus is the Messiah why isn't He calling down legions of angels? What will happen? Where will I go now?" I'm sure His heart was breaking knowing that He could do NOTHING to stop the death of his Beloved friend and teacher.
Then the crowds began to whisper around him. Suddenly a servant girl cried out, "You also were with Jesus"
...seeing, knowing what was happening to Christ. Knowing the fate that would await someone who was following Him...knowing the cost of following Jesus filled Peter with fear. Instinct took over, and once again Peter found Himself sinking into the depths. He was accused again and again, and He denied Christ every. time..., even invoking curses upon himself and swearing to prove it to the people around Him. But as the rooster began to crow I imagine the panic and fear in Peter's heart that only moments ago had been deafening, became deathly silent and still.

He had denied Him.

The one who He loved above all others.
The One who loved him and sought Him out.
The Messiah who had created Him.
His friend.

His Jesus.

Peter's heart shattered as the reality of what He had done hit him.
The scriptures say he went out and wept bitterly.



You can deny Jesus in more than words, you can deny Him by choosing to walk in something that doesn't glorify Him, something that is sinful. To choose sin over the Christ is to deny who He is, to deny Him just as Peter denied Him.
I love Christ. I love Him dearly and deeply.
He has changed my entire life, blessed me in more ways that I could ever even begin to tell.
He has changed me and loved me right in my deepest darkness. He has given His life for me on the cross. And still I have sought out things above Him, I have betrayed Him to seek out other loves, other desires.
And when the reality of what you have done hits, it knocks the wind out of you and the heart break is physical.
Peter wept bitterly and my heart weeps with and for him in that moment because I know what it feels like to deny the only One who has ever been worthy of your love.


Peter loved the Lord with all his heart and now sits with Him in the heavenly places, never again having to deny or be seperated from the lover of his soul. And though we have all denied Him there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ. Follow Him. And when He bids you come,
go to Him.

Even if you fall He will be with you, hand clenched tightly around yours...he'll never let you sink for long.


"And behold I am with you always, to the end of the age."
-Jesus (Mathew 28:20)

Revelations from the Holy One : Behold

While mulling over the Great Commission the other day the Holy Spirit gave me a revelation. I could probably write a book on the Great Commission, and although I'm very passionate about it, the part that God illuminated was the last piece of verse 20.

"And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” - Matthew 28:18-20

This is the first command that Jesus gives His disciples after rising from the grave.

He is God.

He has risen.

Death could not hold Him. He has done it. He fulfilled His promises. All the prophecies. This Jewish Man. He is the Holy One. The Messiah. The Son of God.

I imagine they were trembling in fear and awe, hanging on every word that was about to pour from their Messiah's mouth.
He begins to speak and a hush falls over the disciples, ears straining to capture every word. Heart pounding. History is changing and they are witnessing the God of the Universe stand before them.

He speaks but He preludes His command with a statement. "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me"...Whatever He is about to say He is saying with every ounce of authority given to Him, whatever He is about to say He is declaring in all of His power, His might, His authority. He tells us to go and make disicples of all nations, baptizing and teaching them.


But there is more.



At the end of His command He adds something, something so beautiful it's hard to grasp, and if you aren't listening carefully you might miss it. With all authority in Heaven and on Earth He says "and behold, I will be with you always to the end of the age."

He is with us.
To the very end, He is with us. We have nothing to fear;
through the pain, the tribulation, the heartache... He is with us.
Through the joy, the celbration, and the success... He is with us.
Through the dark, through the desert, through the dry parched lands of this sinful world... He is with us.
And when the Eart is shaken and begins to crumble, when we are persecuted throughout the Earth, when the end of the age has come, even then...He is with us.


How unbelievably sweet a promise.
And those of us who know Him, know this Jewish man is in the buisness of fulfilling promises.
And He has made this promise with all authority given to Him.

The same Jesus who walked on stormy seas, the Jesus who fed five thousand, the Jesus who rebuked the storm, the Jesus whose eyes are like flames of fire and voice is like waters, who will come with a sword on clouds of fire, with thousands upon thousands of angels...this Jesus, with this authority
says "I am with you always, to the end of the age."

Truly, He is Immanuel - God With Us