Stop Expecting a Knight in Shining Armor & Start Loving Your Friend

I watched an amazing sermon by Pastor Mark today called New Marriage, Same Spouse (link at the bottom), that made me realize something about most relationships, including my own.

How many of us idolize our spouse or significant other?

I confess that I am definitley guilty of this.
Without realizing it, we expect them to come in and do the work of Jesus.

We spend hours each day, screaming in rage at their imperfections, and the lack of support we feel, when what we're really saying is this...

"Why havn't you saved me?
Why havn't you filled the hole in my heart and motivated me to become a better version of myself? Why havn't you been a light in my deepest, darkest times? Why havn't you been an unending source of love, strength, and comfort in my life? Why have you let me down?
WHY AREN'T YOU PERFECT?"

The answer is simple...
Because they aren't Jesus.
They aren't your saviour and they can't come into your life, and your relationship, and do his work.

We often put our significant other on a pedestal, not simply to love and praise them, but to worship. In our minds, they become someone who will do no harm or wrong, who will never leave or forsake us.
When they fall short of our tall list of impossible demands, we are heartbroken and often become bitter, angry, and resentful.
It is hard for me to acknowledge and admit the sins and wrongs I've committed in my relationships, but I am going to put my pride and ego aside and be honest.

In my past one of my greatest sins was self-righteousness. I had a very strict list of morals that I followed, and because of it I thought, not only was I a good person, but I was better than most. My self righteousness gave me a feeling of power in my relationship. I could critique their lifestyle and behavior because I held mine in such high regard. I was prideful, condescending, and NEVER wrong.
My stepfather treated me the same way, and I came to eventually hate him for it. I hated him for making me feel as if I wasn't good enough, or would never have what it takes, that I was to stupid, niave, and weak to ever achieve anything for myself.
Now, I realize the similarities between us. I have seen that I became my stepfather in my realtionship; constantly controlling and condemning with my self-imposed authority and I know personally how soul crushing, demoralizing, and hard that can be.

I can imagine it would have been something like me telling them, in order to prove their love they must run through a brick wall (obviously impossible). I would delude myself into thinking I had done it for them so they, in turn, must bruise and break themselves doing it for me. Then as they hurled themselves against it falling down again and again, I'd look down on them and use their failure as a means of boosting my self righteousness, but also feel heartbroken that they weren't trying harder.

Now, I am not saying my partner was perfect and did no wrong. I'm also not saying that there weren't things they needed to change about their lifestyle, BUT the combination of idolizing my partner and condeming them, must have made it very frustrating and confusing to be with me.
I didn't do this because I didn't love my signifigant other and wasn't trying to be a good partner, I was simply and sincerely totally ignorant to my faults.
Through God' grace and goodness, he has given me the ability to recognize these things in myself so that I might change them.

Think about your relationship. No really, stop and think about not just you and what you want, but them.
Are you idolizing your partner, and expecting them to be some super hero, or knight in shining armor, who will wipe away your tears and give you a new life?
Are you placing all the weight of the pain, heartache, and failure in your life on their shoulders?
Are you blaming them solely, for the problems in your relationship?

If so, you are setting yourself, and them up for failure. You need to invite Jesus in to heal those wounds. Ask him to replace your broken heart with a new one, to gift you with a new mind and new desires so that you may live out a new life and not be held to the tyranny of your past misgivings and mistakes. Ask him to help you identify your faults courageously, so that He might help you might deal with, and rid yourself of them.
Your spouse or gf/bf cannot do these things for you.

The hard truth is we aren't comic book characters with amazing abilities and powers. We are people.
Ordinary, sinful, mistake-making-imperfect people.

You can't have a happy, healthy relationship BESIDE and WITH your partner if
you place them in front of (idolization) or behind you (self righteousness).

Your partner should be your best friend with whom you share the deepest parts of yourself, not your saviour, on whose shoulders you place the weight of your world.

Romans 12:9-10
Don't just pretend that you love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Stand on the side of the good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.









CLICK HERE TO WATCH PASTOR MARKS SERMON, NEW MARRIAGE, SAME SPOUSE.