The love of Peter

I love Peter.

So far in my readings of scripture he is my favorite apostle.
Recently I was really struggling with sin. A God-given relationship with a wonderful and amazing friend had become something of my flesh, something I desired in more ways than Jesus would have. I had taken a gift from the Lord and twisted it to fill the desires of my heart. But God is Good and never leaves us where we are, never lets us sink for too long. The Lord spoke to my friend and told her that I was something she had to let go; He has been speaking to both of since we've released this back to Him and though it is hard, the reward in the sacrifice is more fulfilling and satisfying than any human relationship could be. The strongest, deepest, most meaningful love in this world is ashes when compared to the Love of the one who created our hearts.

We were made for this love. We were created for this love.


And yet, at times, even knowing this we fall. We get out of the boat and begin to walk across the water, towards the Beautiful One and His open arms. We want to be enveloped in the voice that sounds like waters, the voice that is like the sweetest rain poured out over our dry and thirsty souls, the voice that bids us "Come."
When suddenly we are distracted by the storm. Something catches our eye, snags our focus, and before we can take a breath we plummet into the dark deep abyss beneath us.
The fear is gutwrenching. Your thoughts, your entire being become focused around one central need. AIR. Instinct takes over, your mind blinded by panic. You fight for the surface, you claw at the water, trying to grasp something, anything...but your hands cut through the water like butter. It slips through your hands, they are empty...left with nothing. Lungs crushed with the need to breathe you can see nothing but the blackness that surrounds you. The blackness that will swallow you whole.
And then something closes around your hand; in the cold weight of the waves crashing around you it is warm and light. Strong.
He pulls you up, The Beloved One. And with a loving smile and a broken heart whispers, "Why did you doubt?"

Peter loved Jesus. I know it.
I can see it in the way He defended Him. In the way He got out of the boat to walk to Him. In the way He left all He had to follow Him. In the way He fought for Him as Judas laid the cold kiss of betrayal on the Lord's cheek. Peter loved Jesus deeply.
Jesus asked the apostles, "But who do you think I am?" And it was Peter who responded, "The Christ of God."
And when Jesus told the apostles they would all fall away Peter told Him, "Though they all fall away because of you, I will never fall away."
I don't believe Peter was being prideful, Peter believed Jesus to be the Christ, the Holy One. Peter had seen the Lord in His glory, Peter confessed Him as the Son of God. Peter loved Jesus deeply and knew in His heart He could never betray this Jesus, this Jewish Man who had called him by name. I can only imagine the way it must have shattered him to hear His friend and God say, "Truly, I tell you, this very night, before the rooster crows you will deny me three times."

They knew what was happening. They knew the price was His life.
And as Peter stood in the courtyard filled with fear and terror I imagine he began to doubt. In the midst of the storm His eyes began to focus, once again, on the rolling black waves around him. "If Jesus is the Messiah why isn't He calling down legions of angels? What will happen? Where will I go now?" I'm sure His heart was breaking knowing that He could do NOTHING to stop the death of his Beloved friend and teacher.
Then the crowds began to whisper around him. Suddenly a servant girl cried out, "You also were with Jesus"
...seeing, knowing what was happening to Christ. Knowing the fate that would await someone who was following Him...knowing the cost of following Jesus filled Peter with fear. Instinct took over, and once again Peter found Himself sinking into the depths. He was accused again and again, and He denied Christ every. time..., even invoking curses upon himself and swearing to prove it to the people around Him. But as the rooster began to crow I imagine the panic and fear in Peter's heart that only moments ago had been deafening, became deathly silent and still.

He had denied Him.

The one who He loved above all others.
The One who loved him and sought Him out.
The Messiah who had created Him.
His friend.

His Jesus.

Peter's heart shattered as the reality of what He had done hit him.
The scriptures say he went out and wept bitterly.



You can deny Jesus in more than words, you can deny Him by choosing to walk in something that doesn't glorify Him, something that is sinful. To choose sin over the Christ is to deny who He is, to deny Him just as Peter denied Him.
I love Christ. I love Him dearly and deeply.
He has changed my entire life, blessed me in more ways that I could ever even begin to tell.
He has changed me and loved me right in my deepest darkness. He has given His life for me on the cross. And still I have sought out things above Him, I have betrayed Him to seek out other loves, other desires.
And when the reality of what you have done hits, it knocks the wind out of you and the heart break is physical.
Peter wept bitterly and my heart weeps with and for him in that moment because I know what it feels like to deny the only One who has ever been worthy of your love.


Peter loved the Lord with all his heart and now sits with Him in the heavenly places, never again having to deny or be seperated from the lover of his soul. And though we have all denied Him there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ. Follow Him. And when He bids you come,
go to Him.

Even if you fall He will be with you, hand clenched tightly around yours...he'll never let you sink for long.


"And behold I am with you always, to the end of the age."
-Jesus (Mathew 28:20)