I Remember You

My heart is fragile...full of insecurities and doubts. Doubts about myself.
I'm afraid that no one will like me, that no one will love me.
I've been trying to be somebody for everybody my whole life, even with Jesus.
And I got tired, and I ran away from Him in my heart.

But tonight, I remembered.
I remembered what it felt like when I fell in love.
It felt like rain, soul drenching rain..the kind that leaves your chest heaving.
And I remembered what it felt like to take His hand because it felt like the wind, when it whispers through the trees.
And I remembered the sound of his voice, because it felt like the waters that rushed over my feet and in between my painted toes, the coolness making my breath catch, making me come fully alive.

Tonight I painted him a picture, wrote him a poem. It was my heart made into words, each beat became a syllable redefined and written, forming slow words. They weren't right or perfect...just my heart, pen to paper.
And I remembered.

I remembered because as I held my breath waiting for the sting of rejection, waiting for the echo of the words "try harder" I felt a calloused hand against my cheek.
I opened my eyes, and there were His, filled with tears as He pulled me close.
It was a tight embrace. We clung to eachother and wept...and I remembered.
Slowly we began to dance, to move as the stars sang their heavenly song above us. As the trees whispered the chorus, and the mountains hummed along.

I remembered His love for me.
He does love me.

Broken.
Ugly.
Sinful.
Liar.
Insecure.
Selfish.
Self obsessed.
Conceated.
Traitor.
Cheater.
Whore.
Unworthy.

These are the things that I name myself.
But I look into His eyes, and I see the truth.
He loves me.
And in that, because of that...I am none of these things, I am everything more.
I am

Beautiful.
Redeemed.
Loved.
Worthy.
Pure.
Righteous.
Funny.
Joyful.
Loyal.
Passionate.
Naked.


I remember.
I AM my beloved's...and He is mine.