Arms Wide Open, Bleeding

It is so,so hard to love with arms wide open when all I want to do is cling as tight as I can and never have to let go again.
It's so hard to be obedient to you in this Lord. To be persistant in that obedience.

Sometimes it feels like my heart breaks a little more with each beat, and each passing second only serves to deepen the sadness I feel. I want to follow you, I want to lay it all down at your feet. I want to walk in the fullness and in the light, but there are other things I desire as well. Jesus, please help me.

You have to come and fill these places because the emptiness there is big enough to swallow me hole. You created us to live in deep relationship and community, with You and with others. And yet, I've had to lay this down. Sometimes I am angry Lord, angry at you for making me give this up, angry with myself for letting it get far enough that you had to tell me to.

I miss having someone to talk with about You for hours, without feeling like I was saying too much,without feeling like I was too much. I miss laughing at awkard pauses, I miss praying over eachother, I miss having someone who could speak your truths when I needed to hear them, and I miss having someone to pour your truths into. I miss having a friend who would draw me right into Your heart Jesus. Someone to share lifes ups and downs with, someone to share the struggle of walking with You, the joy of walking with You. I miss it all.
Jesus, I am so thankful for the time I did have. That was the deepst, most life-giving friendship I've ever experienced and I know you gave it to me right out of your hand to teach me, to discipline me,and to show me Your love. Thank you for changing my life the way you did through the beautiful and sweet, sweet heart you created in her.

"I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away."


I trust you Jesus, with her heart. Thank you for the love you showed me and continue to show me through her. I pray that the tears we've cried would one day have become something beautiful, a freedom that lets us soar to new heights. It's your love Jesus. It's your love.

"You shall love with arms wide open,
a heart exposed,
arms wide open...bleeding, sometimes bleeding."