I never in a million years thought I would be called to singleness. I've always imagined being married and having children, it was a deep desire of mine before I knew Christ and after I met Him. Actually, it was a controlling desire...one that ruled my heart for the majority of my life; the idea of marriage was an idol that I worshipped and put my worth in.
After ending a un-godly relationship with an ex to seek the Lord I realized that suddenly my desire for marriage was G O N E.
At first I assumed it was bitterness towards relationship, but as I sought the Lord more more I didn't feel bitter! In fact, I felt overjoyed! For the first time in my life I could watch a romantic movie without feeling like my heart was breaking, without being cast into a tailspin of despair over my singleness. For the first time I could appreciate love, relationship, and marriage without being filled with anger towards God or loneliness. If anything I felt happy that those people could glorify God that way, but didn't feel like that was how God was asking me to glorify Him. But I still didn't believe it could be true.
My next thought was that I didn't desire marriage any longer because I was afraid of getting hurt. To an extent that is true, I am weary and fearful of betrayal, but that has never in my life stopped be from seeking out relationships with a hell-bent focus.
The more I thought about marriage and this lack of desire for it, the more I realized I felt peace, not contention, not bitterness, not fear, just peace. Scripture says that it is better to be single because the unmarried man (or woman) is anxious about the things of the Lord: how to please the Lord, while a married couple has to focus on how to please eachother. (1 Corinthians 32-43)That does glorify the Lord, but Paul says "So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better." (1 Corinthians 7:38)
I believe that church has been influenced by the dominating view of society that in order for life to have meaning we must have a romantic relationship with another person. But that is not God's truth. In fact, marriage is ONLY for this life. In Matthew 23:20 Jesus says that none of us will be married in heaven or given in marriage in heaven. It is only to display the glory of the Lord, but it is not the end goal of eternity.
The call of singleness is a CALL not a CURSE, and it is a blessing from the Lord and glorifies Him. (Getting off of my soapbox now!)
This call is one that I am afraid to answer.
Am I truly willing to say "Lord I commit to a life of purity and singleness so that I might glorify you." ? What happens if I meet someone I like? What happens in the seasons when it's hard to be single? I wasn't pure before I knew Christ, and there have been many times that I havn't been pure after, will it still be a gift of purity to the Lord?
Well as I learned at celebrate recovery, I can take Jesus into my past and my regrets but He doesn't say I was He says I AM. I can take Him into my future, all of my what ifs and fears, but His name is I AM. He wants me to live in the now and trust Him enough to follow where He leads, no matter what it may cost me.
Will I walk on the water?
EEEEK I'm scared just thinking about it. But it feels good to have something to give up for the Lord, something that requires faith and sacrifice, to have my faith cost me something.
Here is an excerpt from a sermon by John Piper that I love.
Jesus said in Matthew 19:12, “There are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.” ... But it does mean that Jesus approves that some of his followers renounce marriage and sexual activity for the sake of serving Christ’s kingdom. “Let him who is able to receive this receive it.”
For the sake of the kingdom, and to serve the Lord?
It's scary, but it's taking faith and bringing me closer and into dependance on & in Jesus.
"Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him." - 1 Corinthians 7:17
If you'd like to watch the sermon by John Piper that I quoted on singlness CLICK HERE!
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