A 365 Day Journey: Saying No to Makeup & Discovering My Beauty in Christ

The Holy Spirit has been speaking to me about sin in my life, about things in my life that do not glorify Him.
He is changing me and most of the time I really don't like it.

Before I knew Christ I thought all I had to offer was my appearance, at least that's what the world told me. At one point in my life the desire to appear "perfect" was so intense that I would spend HOURS trying to pick an outfit and if I couldn't I wouldn't leave the house. I'd end up blowing THOUSANDS of dollars on clothes and still not feel satisfied. I compared myself to every woman I saw, every girl who was prettier or more stylish than me was better than me. It was an exhausting way to live, but I didn't know how to get out of the cycle. Plus, if the clothes and makeup came off, who would I be? More than that, who would love me?

Once I met Christ He began teaching me that my worth isn't in my appearance, it's in Him. I thought we had dealt with it completley when I successfully abstained from wearing makeup for 3 months, but apparently the roots ran deeper than I originally thought. If there's one thing I've learned it's that Jesus isn't in the habits of only doing a job halfway, He keeps going until it's done, until He has it all.

I stopped wearing makeup four weeks ago. What was only supposed to be a two week stint slowly stretched on into three and then four. I watched the days tick by wondering when I would be allowed to wear makeup again because I felt disgusting.
Actually that's not true...
I felt disgusting when I was around other women wearing makeup, but when I wasn't around them and was focusing on Jesus I felt more free and beautiful than ever.

Then, a few days ago I had a meltdown at church. I couldn't find an outfit, my hair looked crazy, and I had no makeup on. THAT was enough to ruin my day. In fact it was so bad that when I got to church I went into a stall in the bathroom and cried. I couldn't bear the thought of facing people looking like this, I couldn't bear the thought of everyone seeing how broken and messy I was. It was visible on my naked face; I had N O T H I N G to hide behind. The only way I was able to leave the bathroom was by putting on a few coats of mascara.
The Holy Spirit was exposing the root that was still tangled down deep inside of me. The root that was claiming a space that only the Lord is supposed to occupy.


Then Holy Spirit spoke, spoke something I DID NOT want to hear.
"Make a commitment to not wear makeup for a year."

Ummmm...
do you realize what that entails?? I live in WINNIPEG! Home to some of the most street stylish people I've ever seen, a place where makeup and style run rampant and appearance is everything. More than that I have a wedding to attend in a few months! That would mean no makeup for holiday family pictures! ARE YOU CRAZY!?
I half complied and threw away all of my makeup, but I "secretly" kept it in the trashcan in my room. Just in case.
BUT HE WOULDN'T LEAVE ME ALONE. He kept saying it over and over and over.


Today I felt ugly and disgusting.
I came home and put makeup on and it was like being able to breath.
Which is pathetic.
That was the breaking point,I couldn't stand to let this have this much power over me! Not. Anymore.

I placed my tube of mascara on my dresser. Standing it straight up in the middle I got on my knees before it and looked at it, asking myself, "This or Jesus?"
The answer was painfully obvious.

I took every piece of makeup I have, all my lipsticks, shadows, creams, powders, blushes, brushes, liners and threw it away. OUTSIDE in the REAL TRASH this time (which will be picked up tomorrow morning at 5am...the Lord's timing is ironically perfect). Don't think there isn't a part of me that wants to run out and frantically dig it out, clutching it tightly to my chest because there is...

B U T
I refuse to bow down before a tube of mascara, I refuse to find my worth in ANYTHING but Jesus.
So here's to the beggining of a 365 day journey of discovering my beauty in the most beautiful man I've ever known, Jesus Christ.








"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day...as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen." - 2 Corinthians 4:16,18

"For what is exalted by men is an abomination in the sight of God."- Luke 16:15

"Set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passoins of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct." - 1 Peter 1:13-15